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Jokes about us, as Russians and Latvians tell them

Humour has been described as a type of mental play, a light-hearted, non-serious attitude towards ideas and events. Ethnic jokes are social thermometers, recording and measuring the level of sensitivity towards specific ethnic groups.

The two countries with which Estonia shares a land border are pure geographically, not necessarily culturally, the closest to Estonia. The following are some jokes originating from Latvian and Russian sources about Estonians. It’ll be obvious to the reader that the jokes are not the type to elicit unrestrained belly laughs. They’re definitely intended to convey a viewpoint:

Latvian: A war begins. Germans conquer Estonia.
The second day. Russians conquer Estonia.
The third day. Germans conquer Estonia.
The fourth day. Russians conquer Estonia.
The fifth day. Estonian border guards alerted.

Latvian: Estonians are forlorn for they understand the meaning of life – to be ridiculed by Latvians.

Latvian: The human body is 90% fluids. Estonians are 90% brake fluid.

Latvian: Three Estonians start fishing at 5:00 am.
At the 10:00 am the first fisherman says, “I'm not getting any bites.
At 3:00 pm the second fisherman says, “I'm not getting any bites.”
At 9:00 pm the third fisherman says, “Yeah, we're not getting bites 'cause you guys can't keep your mouths shut.”

Russian: An Estonian is driving a Russian in a car. The Estonian notices a dead crow on the highway, stops the car, carefully picks up the cadaver and puts it in the trunk. The Russian asks: “What’s the dead crow for?” “Maybe I’ll need it for something.”
A few months go by and the Estonian with the Russian pass by the same spot once more. The Estonian stops the car, removes the dead crow from the trunk and tosses it back on the road. The Russian: “Why?” Estonian: “I didn’t need it.”

Latvian: A Latvian phones his Estonian friend to ask how many rolls of wallpaper he bought to cover his room. Nineteen, the Estonian said. The Latvian purchases the same amount. He phones the Estonian in anger: “Why did you lie to me?” The Estonian: “What’s the matter? I purchased the same amount.” Latvian: “But I bought nine rolls too many.” Estonian: “That’s exactly right. Me too.”

Latvian: Olympic runners are lined up at the start.
American fans yell: “Go! Go! Go!.”
Spanish fans yell: “Rapido! Rapido! Rapido!”
German fans yell: “Schnell! Schnell! Schnell!”
Estonian fans: “So. What’re you waiting for?”

Latvian: An Estonian father wakes up in the morning with a tremendous hangover.
Father to his son: “Here, take the money and get me some mineral water, fast.”
The son takes the money and is gone for several hours. The father’s hangover doesn’t subside. The son finally gets back.
Father: “Did you get me some mineral water?”
Son: They were sold out. But I got you some cookies.”

Laas Leivat (To be continued.)

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